This is the real way to make money fast
by Lawrence Payne
Summary: This is a response jokefic about money making spam post. Consider Murder Inc. to be a partnership company with Wolfram & Hart. Any crossover elements with Jay Z, Rockafella Records, and Ja-Rule are unintentional.


Are you a young woman between the ages of 13 and 30?

Did a strange feeling of power overcome you in the latter weeks of May 2003?

Have you noticed a sharp increase in your strength and stamina?

Have you discovered a newfound ability to fight?

If the answer is yes, then this message is for you! You could become a millionaire in just a few weeks! How? By making money the old fashion way: Contract Killing! That's right, murder for hire is a, pardon the pun, dooming industry and you can be a part of it. Murder Incorporated is looking for dynamic and powerful young woman for an exciting new career opportunity. Let us train you to become a professional contract killer.

Forget the Watchers Council Method, with its endless hours of training sessions, boring demonology books, and stuffy British teachers. With our training method, you'll be out killing in no time! Don't spend hours in dull libraries and smelly sewers. Let us give you the skills and contacts you will need to start an exciting new career in the murder for hire industry. Never get your clothes dirty with expired vampire dust again. Join the Murder Inc. family of human killers, demons, vampires, and politicians and get rich quick!

There is no down payment. No hidden cost. And you don't need a co-signer. Just sign your name in blood and plead allegiance to Satan and the company. It's That Simple! After you sign up, just complete our 4-week training course, and you'll be out in the real world killing for money and pleasure. Then sit back and count your cash. It's So Easy!

Hundreds of individuals, Fortune 500 companies, and government agencies are looking to hire contract killers. Now you can be in on the action! How you ask? Simple. Let us be your recruitment and deal brokering headquarters. At Murder Inc., we offer four products/services to all of our employees:

Legal Expertise (for getting around petty annoyances like the law)

Learning Management (to help you fully develop your new powers)

Weapons Resource Management (we supply the guns, you supply the bodies)

and Full Target Assessment Management (know your enemy)

As well as our traditional, award winning, customer satisfaction guarantee.

Murder Inc. is the most established and well-respected killer-for-hire company in the world. Our company has been at the forefront of killing innovations and technology for centuries. Founded in 1823 to meet the needs of the then deposed king of Spain, Ferdinand VII, we killed the French revolutionaries in their sleep. Today, as then, we are the industry leader in intentionally caused human deaths. Since our inception, we have scored over five million confirmed kills worldwide.

At Murder Inc., a job is never just a job. Both hit-person and employer know that we provide our killers with a wealth of experience and skills, including:

Learning to Kill with your Bare Hands

Poisoning

Gun & Knife Training

Ancient Weapons Training

and Explosives

The experience and skills you will gain at Murder Inc. can take you places:

Iraq

Pakistan

Washington DC

Detroit

Bogotá, Columbia

and many more...

With Murder Inc, you will have a clearly defined career path. From entry-level street gang and Mafia killings, to International crime and protection, to Political Assassinations, we offer a wealth of different opportunities.

With us, the possibilities are almost limitless: employees can progress to jobs within the corporation, or you can join the ranks of our affiliate companies:

Wolfram & Hart

The Covenant

SPECTRA

Cobra

the CIA

MI-6

and Microsoft.

BONUS!!

If you sign up today we'll even throw in a pair of leather pants, a personalized pleasant smelling killing knife, a cool uptown pad, and an evil father figure; Free! That's right! You get all this and the bonus pack --Absolutely Free! So what are waiting for? Come join the Murder Inc. family today! Where death is our business, not a gift.

Murder Incorporated. Serving your killing needs for over 180 years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Title: $$$This is the real way to make money fast $$$

Author: Lawrence Payne

Timeline: BtVS S7: After Chosen (7x22).

Setting: N/A

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own nothing. A whole slew of other people own these characters and concepts.

Comments: Constructive feedback is always appreciated. :)

Archiving: If you want to, sure. Feel free. Just tell me if you do.

Summary: This is a response to a joke/fic about moneymaking spam post. Consider Murder Inc. to be a partnership company with Wolfram & Hart. Any crossover elements with Jay Z, Rockafella Records, and Ja-Rule are unintentional.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
